Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Weights and Wings

All images from the coastal path www.kmldesign.dk/nordstrand  

When I was younger I dreamed that I could fly.  
I had the sensation of flight - of being so free from my physicality that 
I soared across boundaries, across city borders, countries, continents.

I remember feeling the wind
-like the wind from riding in the passenger seat of my Dad's mustang convertible
not an angry wind but the type that awakens me to the wonder of what I can see
and calms me at the same time - striking deep stirrings of joy and gratitude.

Even as I am free of my body I am struck by the heightened awareness of my senses.
I have heard that dreams of flying indicate happiness.
I know happiness - I have felt it in my bones, in my sight and in my dreams.
For me it lives in the freedom of flight - in wings.

I have not dreamed of flying in at least a decade.  
My wings have weights - weights that exist in my thoughts of inadequacy,
in my saying to myself that I am not smart "I don't get it", 
in my insisting that freckles aren't beautiful and taking actions to hide them 
so one one would see. 

My wings have weights that exist in my thoughts of  "I am an absent parent" -
being at work when during the last inning of his baseball game-
undaunted by the heaviness of his catcher's pads-
he leaps for that fly ball and gets the final out bringing the scoreboard to home 6 away 5-
missing that look of elation on his face when he takes home the game ball.

My wings have weights- weights that exist in my thoughts of  "I am not worthy".
I am not worthy of his unconditional love
of him exhausting his 40 year old body and making his fingers bleed 
to install the brazilian hardwood floors that I had to have in our master bedroom.
I am not worthy of him, of his giving so much of himself in an effort to simply see me happy.

My wings have weights-weights that exist in my thoughts of  "I am not important"
I am not important enough to live in pursuit of my dreams -
to be the designer, the entrepreneur, the artist that lives in my heart.

Passion is lived by those who are wealthy and successful
and I lack…
I am not enough.  I lack the education, the experience, the knowledge.
I lack the success and the money. 
It is not enough to have a soulful longing.  

After recently seeking personal development training 
by enrolling myself in the Landmark Team Management and Leadership Program
and after having spent many hours in introspection and in contribution to others' introspection-I dreamed that I was flying.

It happened in a moment - 
a moment when others acknowledged me for who I am in their eyes.

You see I was only acknowledging myself for who I am not. 
I would never have seen this by myself.

In my training there is saying that you are exactly where you are meant to be.  I came to know this this week as well. 
One of the most impactful distinctions that I have learned is that I have the ability to 
let go-
let go of thoughts and feelings that don't serve me or speak to who I truly am.

I let go of "I don't get it", of "freckles aren't beautiful", of "I am an absent parent", "
of "I am not worthy" and of "I am not important"- 
and I had the sensation of flight-
wings without weights.

All of these images are from a post called
the coastal path
It is a place in Denmark
The website is 

If you love beauty - I encourage you to visit it.

I chose these images because if my soul was a place
it would live here

Wishing you flight


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